Sunday, April 19, 2015

The End of 100 Days


Day 102: The Road So Far 

A close friend recently asked during our lunch conversation, “what is next for Chris Cruz-Boone?”  And I have been percolating on the answer to that question over the last few days.  I am a woman who likes to make plans and I was resolute that 100 days of playing video games would help me figure some things out. 

What the heck do I do next?
(Insert awkward silence here)
  
I am not sure I figured a single thing out but one thing I know for certain is that things will never be like they were before.  If you asked me what I thought my marriage would be like after 12 years of gaming bliss I would never have predicted the events of the last few months.  I am slowly accepting that I will never be the same, so who do I want to be?    

Playing games daily as a couple is an intimate interaction and after mapping my blogging journey I realized that reflecting on our play for me triggered a profound sense of loss and anger.  It feels so easy to write that bad stuff happened and now everything is different but it is so visceral when you are living it.  It seems impossible not to mourn the loss of the life before a trauma.

For example, a few years ago I shattered my left wrist and after I had these maddening moments when I was practicing yoga and I felt like my body was betraying me.  Mentally I knew my body could do a yoga pose because I had done it so many times before but after the accident my body would just not let me do things in the same way.  Slowly my yoga practice has grown but I am not the same yogi I was before my broken wrist.  Like a car accident the last 100 days of playing games with the guy I married have changed me.

I am luckier than most and so many of my lifelong dreams have been realized.  Owning a house with 3 toilets (seriously on my bucket list), completing my doctorate, getting to be a mom, teaching at a university, and collecting some of the best friends someone could ask for.  I have always searched for the next great adventure but when asked by someone what is next, I was speechless.

Today, my son and I were not feeling so great and I decided to forgo planned outing and sent the hubs to volunteer at the church fiesta with our daughter.  While they were gone we spent hours on the floor piecing together puzzles and legos.  After playing with the little guy I made enchiladas for dinner.  I made so much food that we delivered extras to both my brother and sister's family for their dinners.  My son asked me when I learned to make enchiladas and I realized in the six years he has been alive I have never once prepared one of the only recipes I know how to cook.  Sadly, I also couldn’t remember the last time I got lost for hours playing with one of my kids (he had to explain to me how the lego sorting head worked).  Perhaps planning for the next adventure is like obsessing over the next big game launch sometimes it is just a distraction from experiencing the awesome game on the shelf right in front of you.

Yup I cooked without any fire started 

Groot pieces are tough 

Lego fortress, I built the helipad 



In short, I do not have a single plan for the next great adventure.  My plan is to wake up each day and do two things: be honest about what brings me joy, and do whatever that is.

It has only been two days but with no deadline or agenda we are still playing every day and I currently have no plan to stop.   

Our marriage is not surviving just because of games, but play has been the best tool for us to engage and reconnect with the new people we are becoming.   For those of you who want to try this tool just remember that playing games as adversaries when you are fighting for your marriage is not a good idea.  But fighting monsters together can help your coupleship to survive real life.  





Thursday, April 16, 2015

99 Days of Emotional Video Game Blogging


Day 99: The Audit

April 15th is a day most grown ups dread and like other procrastinating adults we were derailed from gaming by the taxman.  The only gaming that took place yesterday was a few moves of mobile Carcossone.  But the government is not the only reason we were distracted we have also spent much of our downtime watching an episode of the new Netflix show DareDevil. 

There are 24 hours left until “D-day.”  I euphemistically referred to tomorrow, or the end of 100 days, as when I would make the choice between Diablo and divorce.  And it is probably a good sign that over the last few weeks I have stopped labeling my blog posts with the word divorce but as every good researcher knows, current trends do not determine final outcomes.  Today the plan is to get the hubs the moment he gets off work and get as much gaming in as possible.

I have been working on an audit about how this experiment has changed me emotionally, my relationship with the hubs, and if it provided any insight into what to do with our broken marriage.  The thing that surprised me the most is that I wrote as much about my feelings as I did what games we played.   

I have decided to map my blog.  To create themes and sub-themes of the topics and emotions that have filled the last 100 days.  I placed asterisks next to my favorite post in each category.  

Guess what I am thinking about (hint: not taxes). 

The Experiment

Quitting my Marriage and Picking Up a Controller- Day 1

Why Play Games Instead of Getting a Divorce?-Day 4

 Can Video Games Save a Marriage?- Day 10

 12 Years of Holding Hands and Holding Controllers-Day 11


The Husband's Side of the Story- Day 18

Why I don't just play games for my husband.-Day 23

Treacherous River in Kern: Love and aBroken Marriage- Day 39


My Centennial(100th) Blog Post dedicated to Wil Wheaton- Day 43

**The Laundry Goblins- Day 51

Warmachine Widow- Day 54


Emotional Venting
Bring it on

Why Play Games Instead of Getting a Divorce?-Day 4

The Hardest Thing I Have Ever Done in MyLife- Day 16


**Why I don't just play games for my husband.-Day 23

Gear is Better than Roses- Day 37

Living in the Shadow of a Kick A$$ Wife- Day41

My Centennial(100th) Blog Post dedicated to Wil Wheaton- Day 43

Tales of a Wannabe Slayer-Day 47

Tales of a Wannabe Slayer Part 2- Day 48

Warmachine Widow- Day 54

Helldivers: Survive the hard stuff and don't shoot your wife-Day 63 

Spit, Teach, Love: Today's Rant about Hope instead of Gaming- Day64


Gamer Family and Geek Parenting

I hope you dance- Day 8

Leaving My Family- Day 29 

Rapists, Video Games, and Valentines Day- Day 35

Love and Legos- Day 41

My Centennial(100th) Blog Post dedicated to Wil Wheaton- Day 43

**The Hubs Guest Blog 2.0- Day 67

Video Games and Indoctrinating our Youth-Day 86



Geek family FTW

Romance

I hope you dance- Day 8

12 Years of Holding Hands and Holding Controllers-Day 11


Leaving My Family- Day 29 

Rapists, Video Games, and Valentines Day- Day35

Gear is Better than Roses- Day 37

**A Treacherous River in Kern: Love and aBroken Marriage- Day 39

Kissing brown hair 
Kissing blue hair 


Big Eyes, Small Mouth- Day 52

Married People Play Video Games in a Scandalous Way- Day 65 

Far and Away from my PS4- Day 77

Video Games and Indoctrinating our Youth-Day86


Beauty and Self Esteem


The Infamous Blue Hair


Things that are Hard 2.0 –Day 17

Living in the Shadow of a Kick A$$ Wife- Day41

Tales of a Wannabe Slayer-Day 47

Tales of a Wannabe Slayer Part 2- Day 48

Glitter vs Jem Part 1- Day 52
 
Glitter vs Jem Part 2- Day 53
 
Helldivers: Survive the hard stuff and don't shoot your wife-Day 63
 
Glitter vs JemPart 3- Day 68


The Hubs
DM with a Hairbow

The Hubs Guest Blog 2.0- Day 67

Warmachine

Things that are Hard 2.0 –Day 17

Rapists, Video Games, and Valentines Day- Day35

**Warmachine Widow- Day 54


Wil Wheaton

**The Return of Hope aka Wil Wheaton –Day 27

Upgrade your phone, not your wife- Day 30

My Centennial(100th) Blog Post dedicated to Wil Wheaton- Day 43

Helldivers: Survive the hard stuff and don't shoot your wife-Day 63


Buffy

Living in the Shadow of a Kick A$$ Wife- Day41

**Tales of a Wannabe Slayer-Day 47

Tales of a Wannabe Slayer Part 2- Day 48


Community of Play (#gatheryourparty) 

Love and Legos- Day 41

**Big Eyes, Small Mouth- Day 52

Far and Away from my PS4- Day 77

 

Travelling

Gone Girl the Game- Day 13

Things that are Hard 2.0 –Day 17

Upgrade your phone, not your wife- Day 30

**Far and Away from my PS4- Day 77
 

Shopping and Money

Trade-In Underwear for Games- Day 9

**Gone Girl the Game- Day 13

Shooter Games 


**Helldivers: Survive the hard stuff and don't shoot your wife-Day 63

The Hubs Guest Blog 2.0- Day 67


Friday, April 10, 2015

Chronicles of a Gaming Mommy

Day 93: Its the final countdown 

The Wicked Witch of Bakersfield

What is with random crap falling from the sky?

I wish I could equip red-stripped socks in the game Helldivers because then I would resemble the Wizard of Oz witch both physical and in the way we both meet our untimely deaths.  During Helldivers strangers keep joining our campaign and every time they drop from the sky they crush me.  I never saw it coming, all three times I did not see the heavy metal human carrier falling from the sky.  And yes I did change my settings so that only people I know will join my party.

Diablo Treasure Goblin

It has been hard to get solo time on the PS4 because every spare moment is usually spent with the hubs.  But the other day he had a conference call and I got to log some Diablo time.   My 6-year old
Diablo Treasure Goblin 
is an avid spectator of treasure goblins in Diablo.  This kid is like a lucky charm because even though I only played solo for an hour I killed four different treasure goblins.  The hubs was super jealous and our tiny son was so elated each time he spotted a new troll he would start pointing and screaming, “that way, follow the gold, go go, faster mommy.”  Although some might question letting my kid observe Diablo, I say this kid is my lucky charm and it would be stupid to play without him.

Support Good Developers

My kids call my iPad the “Buffy Player” or “PvZ” machine.   Technically they aren’t wrong ,I do partake in both of these activities daily. 

This is going to sound like a really stupid realization to other gamers but I need to give more money to good developers.  My kid was highly motivated to behave by playing seasonal piñata levels multiple days in a row in PvZ.  The latest piñatas were all easter egg themed and my kid could not wait to see what the new daily challenge would be. 

My realization came to me after a conversation with the hubs.  I was talking about how we are hording our gems to buy new plants and he reminded us that we could always buy gems with RL money.  At first this seemed frivolous to me, but on further reflection I realize how stupid that is.  I play PvZ almost every day on my iPad.  I got the PvZ app for free and really spending six bucks to get a few upgraded plants is a small pittance.

My Plan to Torture My Teenagers


Like other holidays we do not just leave gifts for our kids to pounce on but make them do some work.  This Easter the hubs used his new calligraphy pen to write bunny notes and leave them hidden around the house. The scavenger hunt was a huge success but a major source of pride is that my six an eight year old kiddos were able to puzzle out the LotR clue in less than 30 seconds. As I mentioned in my previous post, sharing, creating, and playing games is a family affair.  For my entire life I will always remember the excitement as the kids collaborated and reveled in hunting together.  And even when they are moody and angsty teenager I have every intention of making them search for their gifts through a series of cryptic clues.




The kiddos & their loot on easter 

I know todays blog was all over the place, even more so than usual.  But I have a very busy brain and I needed to get some of my reflections written before I go crazy.  There is only one week remaining of our 100 day experiment and I can't say anything about its outcomes yet other than I have no intention of putting down my controller.  

The hubs distracting me while I blog