Saturday, January 10, 2015

Why Play Games Instead of Getting a Divorce?

Day 4: Choosing Games Not Pain 

This entry is not meant as a defense of my decision to stay married at this time.  It is a chance for me to understand my own thought process on the matter of choosing to game.   

When warning signs appear in a relationship it is difficult to have perspective and be objective.  This blog is about marital gaming but it is also about relationships.  Because what are relationships but a series of small interactions that help us connect, relate, and live our lives?  Games can be a powerful tool for friendship, intimacy, and play.  I am in painful and uncharted territory but when it comes to games I know the jargon and understand virtual worlds.

After meeting my partner 21 years ago, and almost 12 years of marriage I am learning a new language to understand my relationship.  During this phase of our marital crisis there are two ideas that resonate with me the most pain shopping and the dance of confrontation.   

Pain shopping is when a person examines and inquires on matters that do not bring healing.  For control freaks like me it feels like investigating helps to make informed decisions, but really pain shopping is just giving pain free rent in your brain.  As I mentioned in other blog posts, I do not enjoy shopping.

Dance of confrontation is starting one-sided arguments as an opportunity to vent and berate another person to regain some sense of control.  I am not saying that arguments, communication, and fights are not important.  But when you are in the midst of a tragedy its easy to just lash out instead of communicate.

Before I started this blog I spent a lot of time unknowingly subjecting myself to negative behaviors.  But now instead I choose to play games, not to avoid the problem but during the time in between dealing, I want to give myself something to do that is healthier.  I am blogging about gaming with my husband to remind myself that there is good not just pain left in our relationship. 

Laughter and Change

Game Show: Game of the Year
System: YouTube
Developer: Giant Bomb

Reflection:  The Game of the Year for Giant Bomb is hysterically funny and allowed us to enjoy both game time and cuddling.  Trolling through our old blog entries reminded me that GFW and Giant Bomb have been part of our gaming relationship for a long time.

Just because things still exist doesn’t mean that they remain static.  Giant Bomb has transformed over the last 6 years with new additions, tragedies, and evolving transmedia formats.  Giant Bomb has the same name and goal but it is not the same podcast it was when I listened before – Giant Bombcast and the guy I married can both still make me laugh. 

This blog has existed for more than 6 years and during that time my relationship and life have undergone major changes.  I don't know what other changes are on the horizon and I have no plan to make those decisions today.  Today I plan to keep gaming and I will continue to reflect on what I learn from that process whatever outcome that may be.

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