Unashamed Button Masher

Day 176: Gaming without Tantrums

Within many aspects of my life I am fairly accomplished person but I really do not like to fail.  I will be the first to admit that I am feisty and I am not always proud of the way I react when I am not automatically successful at a task.  Yoga has helped to calm my ego but when I am with the hubs there is less censorship and accountability because he is my person.  Simply put, if I am going to be a brat when I suck at a game it is usually while I am playing with the hubs.  I know it is terrible to admit in writing that with my partner I am my worst self but this is usually true.  The implication of my limited range when it comes to game controls has been a major factor in our play and communication as a couple.

BUTTON MASHER EXPOSED

Twilight Magicka session in Hotel 

For decades I have been able to get through gaming habits with hotkeys and button mashing.  The hubs recently (yesterday) admitted that he has strategically chosen/encouraged co-op games based on the complexity of the controls because he knew I just wasn’t good enough for more advanced games. 

After six months of co-op gaming we have been introducing new challenges to see if I can overcome my lifelong habit of mashing.  I shamefully admit that using both analog sticks is still unnatural to me but I am getting there.  The first game that has really started to push the boundaries of my skill has been Magicka.  

KILLING MY HUSBAND

As I mentioned in a previous post we starting our 100 days with Diablo and moving on to games like Helldivers is tuff because all of a sudden there is friendly fire.  The idea that not just your character can die but you can kill your party requires much more collaboration and focus sans button mashing.  Magicka has both friendly fire, new spells every level (some that suck), and forces me to use both analog sticks simultaneously whether I like it or not.  I cannot be successful in this game if I just mash buttons but the satisfaction of killing monsters together has increased ten-fold because things are just hard enough.

Healing Spell Kills Skeletons (Duh)

Dr. CCB & MrNinjaman in Magicka 

Tip of the Day: When it comes to married gaming its okay to start out easy but always try to be better (as long as you are both having fun).  Also, if your partner is not at your same level of gaming don’t berate them.  Instead take a page from the hubs book and ease them into gaming with quality titles that are within their current range.  Most of all—it takes time but things do get better.  

Video Games and Couples' Communication

Day 156: Deep Dark Secrets 

This post is intended for my fellow gamers and I am hoping that non-gamers lack interest and do not explore.  Today I will reveal some deep dark secrets that might have implications (so don’t rat me out or I will stop blogging).

I will stop blogging if you rat me out.

And I will come after you.  Be afraid. 

Video Games, Venting, and Long Phone Calls

When bad stuff goes down most people need to vent and if a therapist is not available they call a friend or relative.  I am so lucky to be part of a large family and have a great network of friends that support one another.  The downside is that I regularly get calls that last for a minimum of an hour comforting or letting some just talk through their current crisis.  This is not me whining because I will be the first to admit that I have the gift of gab and talk just as much as the next person.  But some days I just don’t have it in me to be a good friend and console others. 

Question from a Reader

Recently I received an email from a wife asking what my thoughts are on her hubs ignoring her to play games?  My first impulse was to say that is a jerk move and its never okay to ignore you partner.  I even started to construct a blog post about patriarchy and power relationships between different genders.  But then I realized that’s actually a lie.  There are several times when it is completely acceptable to both be at home, hanging out, and not fully engaged with one another because one of you is playing a game (um I did that for 10 minutes this morning before I got out of bed while playing PvZ).

It’s Okay to Play Solo and Block Out Drama

For example.  When lets say just for sake of argument that my twin calls and needs to tell me about the horrible encounter she had with her kids school that day.  As soon as she takes a deep inhalation I know this is going to be a long call.  If she seems particularly upset I will put my controller down and give the hubs a knowing look.  He is cool about letting me sit beside him while he plays a solo game and I listen and support my sis. 

The way I use games that is NOT good while interacting with others

"Oh no they didn't: what did you say?"

What is NOT cool to do to your partner is to use games as a way to dodge communications.  For example.  Sometimes people call and I just need to finish a final planet so I can get my upgraded mech in Helldivers.  I will still answer my phone and listen to my sis (just an illustration) but will often mute my phone.  If I do not mute my phone I will mute the TV and wear headphones while I soothe the sis and kill some bugs.  So I totally do this.  Like more than once or twice a month I am guilty of being there for someone but being a superficial and shitty listener.  I mean I get some brownie points for answering the phone but really any advice I provide is not really going to make the school administration stop being crappy to the person telling the story.  Even though I do this on a regular basis it is really uncool to do this to your life partner.  Well its really uncool to do it to anyone but lets get real.  Its like the scene from Ferris Buellers Day Off when sometimes people just need a reassuring “ah”, “I know” and “I agree that is so unfair” not for you to actually solve their problem. 

Tip for the day: try to be together even when you play single person games.  I fold laundry, grade papers, and read my angsty paranormal romance while the hubs plays solo games beside me that don’t interest me.  He sleeps, folds laundry, paints models, give instructions, and surfs the internet while I play solo beside him.  We do not always have to be playing a game together to feel connected.  Plus watching someone kill big ugly demons can really be soothing while you are on a long venting phone call.

Don't be a Jerk and use games to ignore people (all the time)

Why You Should Bring Joss Whedon on Your First Date

Day 124: Dating my husband the reboot  

PLEASE PROCEED WITH MY FULL ASSURANCE THERE ARE NO ULTRON SPOILERS IN THIS BLOG POST 

Joss Whedon is my Hero

I love Joss Whedon.  Not a crazy stalker kind of love.  But I am so moved by his storytelling that spans different mediums from the big screen to his awesome comics.  One of the best aspects of his storytelling is his ability to create an ensemble that portrays real life interpersonal relationships diluted with hilarious quips.  A few, I am showing amazing self-restraint here, but a few examples of my favorite lines include:

“The thing about changing the world... Once you do it, the world's all different.”
― Joss Whedon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Long Way Home

“I'm not a leader now. I'm a whole damn army.”
― Joss Whedon, Fray

“He is reproducing faster than catholic bunnies.”

― Joss Whedon, Age of Ultron

Dr. Horrible & Captain Hammer (me n hubs)

Plus Joss is unapologetically a feminist and supports women both through his art and his fame.  Since I am obsessed with all things Joss it goes with out saying that I had to see Avengers 2: Age of Ultron on opening night.

Sci-Fi /Action Movies 101

Though my Joss love runs deep, seeing action movies at the stroke of midnight is not a new thing for me.

I think the hubs for first realized the depth of my geekiness on May 18, 1999 when I convinced him to ditch school so we could be first in line to see the midnight showing of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.  If convincing him to wait in line for 16 plus hours was not proof enough I was also a 17-year old girl that brought a light saber with me to the movie (yup I am a big ole’ geek). 

This was the night that he also first experienced my interactive relationship with action movies.  I get really excited and often will clap, cheer, curse, or dialogue with the screen while I watch an action movie.  This is a learned habit for which I blame my mother who took me to Rocky Horror for so many years.  But I am not embarrassed by my behavior, when you attend an action movie on opening night the room is usually packed and filled with anticipation, so my conduct goes largely unnoticed (thank you rowdy teenage boys).  However, further into our relationship the hubs would realize that even during matinees filled with gray hair I will holler at the screen.  Needless to say he pretty much always tries to get me into a full theatre on opening night. 

But it is not just the excitement of seeing it before anyone else.  Or that there is almost always crazy good previews.  And it is not just the relief that you can open your computer without fear of spoilers.  The collective energy of the crowd combined with the big screen makes it the only way to experience a big action or sci-fi movie.

Dating My Husband

Over the last few months I have played a lot of video games with the hubs.  We have gone to couples therapy, retreats, church, and lots of other group functions together.  But last night was the first time in 124 days that we have gone on an actual date.  And I have to say it was so weird. 

For a few minutes I felt self-conscious for being the only one clapping in the theatre when the Marvel title appeared.  But once mesmerized by the amaze-balls special effects that nervousness wore off because I kinda forgot the hubs was there (I know that is bitchy but seriously Joss has the ability to totally captivate me).

I had yoga before the movie so we arrived at the theatre separately.  Arriving was made all that more strange because there was nostalgia attending the same rinky-dink theatre that I dragged him to so many years ago to see Star Wars.  Even in the fervor of the occasion there were many moments that I felt the overwhelming since of grief that has plagued me for the last few months start to creep in.  

I was still on a date with a fellow geek but he is not the same guy I married and he never will be.  Well ain’t that a kick in the pants?  Tip of the day: when things are crazy awkward-- taking your wife to see a blockbuster movie written and directed by her hero is a great buffer (heh heh buffer, get it?).

The End of 100 Days

Day 102: The Road So Far 

A close friend recently asked during our lunch conversation, “what is next for Chris Cruz-Boone?”  And I have been percolating on the answer to that question over the last few days.  I am a woman who likes to make plans and I was resolute that 100 days of playing video games would help me figure some things out. 

What the heck do I do next?

(Insert awkward silence here)

  

I am not sure I figured a single thing out but one thing I know for certain is that things will never be like they were before.  If you asked me what I thought my marriage would be like after 12 years of gaming bliss I would never have predicted the events of the last few months.  I am slowly accepting that I will never be the same, so who do I want to be?    

Playing games daily as a couple is an intimate interaction and after mapping my blogging journey I realized that reflecting on our play for me triggered a profound sense of loss and anger.  It feels so easy to write that bad stuff happened and now everything is different but it is so visceral when you are living it.  It seems impossible not to mourn the loss of the life before a trauma.

For example, a few years ago I shattered my left wrist and after I had these maddening moments when I was practicing yoga and I felt like my body was betraying me.  Mentally I knew my body could do a yoga pose because I had done it so many times before but after the accident my body would just not let me do things in the same way.  Slowly my yoga practice has grown but I am not the same yogi I was before my broken wrist.  Like a car accident the last 100 days of playing games with the guy I married have changed me.

I am luckier than most and so many of my lifelong dreams have been realized.  Owning a house with 3 toilets (seriously on my bucket list), completing my doctorate, getting to be a mom, teaching at a university, and collecting some of the best friends someone could ask for.  I have always searched for the next great adventure but when asked by someone what is next, I was speechless.

Today, my son and I were not feeling so great and I decided to forgo planned outing and sent the hubs to volunteer at the church fiesta with our daughter.  While they were gone we spent hours on the floor piecing together puzzles and legos.  After playing with the little guy I made enchiladas for dinner.  I made so much food that we delivered extras to both my brother and sister's family for their dinners.  My son asked me when I learned to make enchiladas and I realized in the six years he has been alive I have never once prepared one of the only recipes I know how to cook.  Sadly, I also couldn’t remember the last time I got lost for hours playing with one of my kids (he had to explain to me how the lego sorting head worked).  Perhaps planning for the next adventure is like obsessing over the next big game launch sometimes it is just a distraction from experiencing the awesome game on the shelf right in front of you.

Yup I cooked without any fire started 

Groot pieces are tough 

Lego fortress, I built the helipad 

In short, I do not have a single plan for the next great adventure.  My plan is to wake up each day and do two things: be honest about what brings me joy, and do whatever that is.

It has only been two days but with no deadline or agenda we are still playing every day and I currently have no plan to stop.   

Our marriage is not surviving just because of games, but play has been the best tool for us to engage and reconnect with the new people we are becoming.   For those of you who want to try this tool just remember that playing games as adversaries when you are fighting for your marriage is not a good idea.  But fighting monsters together can help your coupleship to survive real life.