Warmachine Widow

Day 54: Don't expect your wife to like games if they are your mistress. 

Today I received a tweet from a new reader that asked about how to encourage his wife to participate in playing games together.  The short answer is, it is not about wanting to play, but wanting your wife.  

There is this uncomfortable moment when a beautiful woman enters the room and to your utter dismay your partner reacts in one of following two ways: they stare with longing, or obviously are trying with every part of their existence not to stare.  No matter your orientation or what stage in your relationship you want to hold someone’s gaze and imagination.  The masculine gaze should not and cannot be reduced to insecurity, but I use this example to illustrate that playing with your partner is never about getting them to do something—it is about keeping them in your sights. 

My Nemesis Warmachine
For the last two years the proverbial other woman in the room has been the game Warmachine.  It is a tabletop miniature game that requires construction and painting of an army.  For my husband every spare moment has been spent listening to podcasts, reading books, and message boards.  But privateer press is not his only source of readings, he receives at least 20 texts a day from other players.  No place in my home is safe from his obsession and there is Warmachine in the bathroom, bar, garage, kitchen, car, and even in our bedroom.  My partner has taken road trips for his addiction to San Diego, Vegas, Pasadena, and Tehachapi.  The only role that Warmachine has had in my life over the last two years is as a time suck, that increases clutter, and is an expensive hobby.  I do not know enough about the game to determine my feelings towards it, all I know is that my husband chooses it over me, every time.

Just Do It: Play Games with your Wife 

Playing LoTR card game with hubs

Last month my partner remarked that, “it would mean the world to him if I would try to play the game Warmachine.”  First off, he has never once asked me to play this game. I have four jobs, was finishing my doctorate, and recently re-committed to this whole blogging thing so I am pretty busy.  But my reply was simple, "if it meant so much you should have just set up a short game for us to play so I had a chance to try it."

That was last month and though he has verbalized again his hope that I will try it, he has still never initiated a game. 

Gamer, Geek and Half Marathon Runner 

Besides gaming, all things Buffy, and yoga: I also enjoy running.  My partner signed up to run a half marathon with me and then at the last moment thought he could not do it. I packed some icy hot, taped up his knees and dragged him to the run.  We stayed together the entire 13.1 miles and he crossed the finish line just like I knew he could.  Since he almost cried when he moved our garbage can to the curb last night due to soreness, I am thinking he will likely not adopt my hobby, but not because I did not make every attempt to share it with him.

Gamer Wife Tip: If you want your partner to play, don’t whine, beg, or guilt-trip: just keep setting up games until you find one that you both love.  A game that reminds you how much you love to be together and why you chose this person in the first place.

the view from the Heavenly Half Marathon with the hubs March 1, 2015