Tales of a Wannabe Slayer

Day 47: Life and Death According to Joss Whedon 

“Passion…it lies in all of us.

Sleeping. Waiting.
And though unwanted, unbidden…
It will stir…Open its jaws and howl.
It speaks to us, guides us.
Passion rules us all and we obey.
What other choice do we have?
Passion is the source of our finest moments.
The joy of love…the clarity of hatred..
and the ecstasy of grief.
It hurts sometimes more than we can bear.
If we could live without passion,
maybe we’d know some kind of peace.
But we would be hollow.
Empty rooms: shuttered and dank.

Without passion…
we’d be truly dead.”

— Angelus - Passion (2:17 episode 29)

Transitioning

I feel differently about my priorities today then I did at the start of this year when I first started blogging. I still have a passion for games and the hubs but I am not sure what that means anymore?  

For years I have watched BtVS every single day.  I have watched the episodes: Tabula Rasa, Buffy vs. Dracula, Family, Becoming Part 1 &2 at least 200 times a year.  When I was pregnant with the kids they would both be soothed by the opening riff at the start of the show and stop wriggling in my belly.  Yup, I am completely obsessed with all things Buffy.

There is nothing in my life that I have not been able to understand through the lore of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Like most 90's girl power feminists, I could dedicate a lifetime of blogs aligning my life to the Whedon-verse, but that blog probably already exists.  Instead I will share a few lessons that apply to my current quest:  Friends keep you alive longer than your destiny might predict.  There is always a big bad, sometimes its tangible, other times not.  There is real magicks.  Love is pain.  Monsters can always be identified with research.  And when preparing for an apocalyptic battle, sometimes the best thing to do is play DnD.  

Unfortunately, I am a Blogger not a Buffy  

I took a few days off from writing because last week this world lost several awesome people in some tragically horrible ways.  Simultaneously, several people have approached me regarding my recent posts and I have learned that my blog, much like my personality, has a polarizing effect on people.  Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for the prayers and blog traffic as it makes me feel like less of a crazy person.  Just because you have read my blog does not mean you know my story.  Just because I write my blog it doesn’t mean that I want someone to rescue me.  It just means I am trying to make sense of my grief.

Sitting in the corner of my living room is an unopened highly anticipated Buffy the Vampire Slayer board game.  I have been afraid to remove the plastic wrap.  The events of the last week have escalated that fear.  It occurred to me for this first time that this story of daily gaming might not have a happy ending.  We have beautiful kids, I have a can-do attitude, and a geek husband—but that does not mean we will live happily ever after.  My prayer is now that I will have a Slayer’s strength and that God will reveal a path.  No matter the outcome, I will keep blogging.

 I will strive to be a "Leaf on the Wind."