Day 54: Don't expect your wife to like games if they are your mistress.
Today I received a tweet from a new reader that asked about
how to encourage his wife to participate in playing games together. The short answer is, it is not about wanting to play, but wanting your wife.
There is this uncomfortable moment when a beautiful woman
enters the room and to your utter dismay your partner reacts in one of
following two ways: they stare with longing, or obviously are trying with every
part of their existence not to stare. No
matter your orientation or what stage in your relationship you want to hold someone’s
gaze and imagination. The masculine gaze
should not and cannot be reduced to insecurity, but I use this example to
illustrate that playing with your partner is never about getting them to do something—it is about keeping them in
your sights.
My Nemesis Warmachine
For the last two years the proverbial other woman in the
room has been the game Warmachine. It is
a tabletop miniature game that requires construction and painting of an
army. For my husband every spare moment
has been spent listening to podcasts, reading books, and message boards. But privateer press is not his only source of
readings, he receives at least 20 texts a day from other players. No place in my home is safe from his
obsession and there is Warmachine in the bathroom, bar, garage, kitchen, car,
and even in our bedroom. My partner has
taken road trips for his addiction to San Diego, Vegas, Pasadena, and
Tehachapi. The only role that Warmachine
has had in my life over the last two years is as a time suck, that increases
clutter, and is an expensive hobby. I do
not know enough about the game to determine my feelings towards it, all
I know is that my husband chooses it over me, every time.
My Nemesis Warmachine
For the last two years the proverbial other woman in the
room has been the game Warmachine. It is
a tabletop miniature game that requires construction and painting of an
army. For my husband every spare moment
has been spent listening to podcasts, reading books, and message boards. But privateer press is not his only source of
readings, he receives at least 20 texts a day from other players. No place in my home is safe from his
obsession and there is Warmachine in the bathroom, bar, garage, kitchen, car,
and even in our bedroom. My partner has
taken road trips for his addiction to San Diego, Vegas, Pasadena, and
Tehachapi. The only role that Warmachine
has had in my life over the last two years is as a time suck, that increases
clutter, and is an expensive hobby. I do
not know enough about the game to determine my feelings towards it, all
I know is that my husband chooses it over me, every time.
Just Do It: Play Games with your Wife
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| Playing LoTR card game with hubs |
That was last month and though he has verbalized again his hope that I will try it, he has still
never initiated a game.
Gamer, Geek and Half Marathon Runner
Besides gaming, all things Buffy, and yoga: I also enjoy
running. My partner signed up to run a
half marathon with me and then at the last moment thought he could not do it. I
packed some icy hot, taped up his knees and dragged him to the run. We stayed together the entire 13.1 miles and
he crossed the finish line just like I knew he could. Since he almost cried when he moved our
garbage can to the curb last night due to soreness, I am thinking he will
likely not adopt my hobby, but not because I did not make every attempt to
share it with him.
Gamer Wife Tip: If you want your partner to play, don’t whine, beg, or
guilt-trip: just keep setting up games until you find one that you both
love. A game that reminds you how much
you love to be together and why you chose this person in the first place.
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| the view from the Heavenly Half Marathon with the hubs March 1, 2015 |
