Day 41: With Great Power
Comes Great Responsibility
I cannot get into my partners head and now that I know there
were lots of secrets not having super powers is making me crazy.
The Wind Beneath my
Wings
Despite problems in my relationship, 2014 was the most
successful year of my life. I joined the
kid’s school PTA board, passed the level 1 Iyengar yoga certification,
completed my Doctoral dissertation, presented at 4 national conferences, got
published, got a PS4, was elected to CTA assembly, was re-elected to CFA executive
board. But my favorite memory was kissing my husband at the top of the
Empire state building. Yup my life was
awesome.
It has often been remarked that I am a force of nature and
do not know how to do things halfway.
Lately, I have been thinking about what it is like to be married to
someone described as a “force” (aka me).
Now that everything is falling apart, it is difficult not to feel that
my ambition, success, drive, and openness did not sabotage my
relationship. Then I remember: that professional
women should not dim their bright light because someone they love lives in
their shadow.
An Open Book
For the last 42 days I have been writing about games,
emotions, and my relationship. The blog
is a means to love the hubs, vent, and to keep fighting for my relationship
with game play. He is an intensely
private person whereas I am open book (I enjoy games, yoga, whiskey, and the
hubs). While I am trying so hard to be
better gamer, wife and support to him sometimes I worry that my blog is yet
another way that I am trying too hard. I
want the hubs to be happy. However, I am
not going to stop trying; trying is what I do.
But hiding and secrecy is what he does/did. Do we both need to change?
Playing the Wife
Playing games and loving my hubs are the two things that I
used to think were easy. I could do them
without thinking, without qualifying, without trying. Now, I question everything. Is my sh*t talking and crazy competitive
streak too much? When we game do we need co-op only games? Should I blog my every thought? Should I say my every thought? Should I strive to be a docile, obedient, and
submissive wife? If you attended my
wedding or have ever spent five minutes in a room with me you know that the
last question was sarcasm. But I do know
for shir it would be easy for him to walk away from our marriage and find a
woman with much less professional success; I suck at playing the wife but I am
usually pretty darn good at everything else that I do.
Updates
The hubs got me Buffy
the Vampire Slayer board game in the mail circa the early 2000’s. I cannot wait to blog about playing this
game.
February 2015 has been a big month, earlier this week I was
trolled on google+ for being a “feminist tool” and then re-tweeted as a “dirty
harlot.” I think these trolls were
intended as insults but they totally made my day. As a couple we both completely geeked out
when we were re-tweeted by both privateer press and TableTop.
It is surreal that people are actually reading our blog,
even though Wil Wheaton continues to ignore us.
The comments section of the blog is starting to populate with others who
identify with games as a way to save a relationship. Please keep a lookout on the blog later this
week for my 6-year old son/ Wheaton fanboy, Nate. He is working with his 7-year old sister,
Inara, on a video plea for Wheaton to come to Bakersfield. I am not sure Wheaton can say no to all this
cuteness but just in case heckle him in your free time.
