Day 39: Making Progress without dynamite
Loving a man is like swimming a river; you feel their waves,
their currents, weather the storms-- together.
Recently I came upon a dam in my river. Like most academics, my solution to this dam
was to become an engineer and find a way to move the boulders. I have spent my days plotting and fantasizing
about how much dynamite is needed to explode the wall blocking the flow of the
water. But no matter how smart, strong,
or powerful I become—or how much sh*t I set on fire-- my efforts are in
vain. The dam will only be moved one
pebble at a time.
I have a lot of people in my life who love me and ask about
the dam. I hate reporting every day that
it is still there. The real answer is
that a small pile of pebbles has accrued over the last few months. The flow of water is still blocked but each
pebble I am reminded that the direction of the water could one day change.
Each pebble represents a small change that is moving the
new. Here is a list of some of his pebbles:
PEBBLES
Building a LoTR deck to compliment my stubbornness of only
playing with base dwarf set.
Sleeving my LoTR deck.
Quit drinking soda.
Quit drinking soda.
Threw out every super hero shirt he has ever owned.
Started carpooling with me to work every day.
Matching socks.
Made doctors appointments (without nagging).
Started drinking hot tea (my favorite drink).
Opening my car door even when we are rushing in the morning
to leave for work
Going to mass every week.
Threw out his computer.
Eating salad for lunch.
Gave up access to podcasts.
Letting me pick our games.
Contributing to our blog.
Threw out chanklas.
Comes to bed at the same time as me every night..
Sends me random selfies just because.
Packing kids lunches.
Loaded dropbox program carousel on our phones so we could
share family photos more easily.
Gets mad and tell me, instead of holding back.
Takes the scenic route, even though it takes longer.
Deleted Facebook account.
Told the truth before I caught him in the lie about games
belonging to me.
Makes his student call me “Dr.” and not “the wife”
Cancelled an out of town trip because it was too much for
kids.
Has not left the house while I am sleeping.
Researching date food (Yay Korean Fusion & House of
Tehran ftw)
RCIA meetings.
Loaded turn-based games on our phones so we can play, when
we can’t be together.
Cleans his classroom so it will be tidy when I visit.
Learned “Our Father” prayer and says it out loud.
Playing turn-based iPad games when I know he wishes it was
WarMachine.
Texts me first.
Wears old man dress shoes because he knows I love them.
Stopped at after-school program and just helped random kids
with math.
Writes in our couples journal every night.
Talks to me about music.
Loads the dishwasher when cranky.
Looks at games for us, instead of games for himself.
Advice: See the pebbles.
When you are in pain it easy to only see the boulders, but my advice
today is see the pebbles and hold on to hope.
