Why Play Games Instead of Getting a Divorce?

Day 4: Choosing Games Not Pain 

This entry is not meant as a defense of my decision to stay married at this time.  It is a chance for me to understand my own thought process on the matter of choosing to game.   

When warning signs appear in a relationship it is difficult to have perspective and be objective.  This blog is about marital gaming but it is also about relationships.  Because what are relationships but a series of small interactions that help us connect, relate, and live our lives?  Games can be a powerful tool for friendship, intimacy, and play.  I am in painful and uncharted territory but when it comes to games I know the jargon and understand virtual worlds.

After meeting my partner 21 years ago, and almost 12 years of marriage I am learning a new language to understand my relationship.  During this phase of our marital crisis there are two ideas that resonate with me the most pain shopping and the dance of confrontation.   

Pain shopping is when a person examines and inquires on matters that do not bring healing.  For control freaks like me it feels like investigating helps to make informed decisions, but really pain shopping is just giving pain free rent in your brain.  As I mentioned in other blog posts, I do not enjoy shopping.

Dance of confrontation is starting one-sided arguments as an opportunity to vent and berate another person to regain some sense of control.  I am not saying that arguments, communication, and fights are not important.  But when you are in the midst of a tragedy its easy to just lash out instead of communicate.

Before I started this blog I spent a lot of time unknowingly subjecting myself to negative behaviors.  But now instead I choose to play games, not to avoid the problem but during the time in between dealing, I want to give myself something to do that is healthier.  I am blogging about gaming with my husband to remind myself that there is good not just pain left in our relationship. 

Laughter and Change

Game Show: Game of the Year

System: YouTube

Developer: Giant Bomb

Reflection:  The Game of the Year for Giant Bomb is hysterically funny and allowed us to enjoy both game time and cuddling.  Trolling through our old blog entries reminded me that GFW and Giant Bomb have been part of our gaming relationship for a long time.

Just because things still exist doesn’t mean that they remain static.  Giant Bomb has transformed over the last 6 years with new additions, tragedies, and evolving transmedia formats.  Giant Bomb has the same name and goal but it is not the same podcast it was when I listened before – Giant Bombcast and the guy I married can both still make me laugh. 

This blog has existed for more than 6 years and during that time my relationship and life have undergone major changes.  I don't know what other changes are on the horizon and I have no plan to make those decisions today.  Today I plan to keep gaming and I will continue to reflect on what I learn from that process whatever outcome that may be.

2009-My Best

Today John and I watched the Giant Bombcast top ten game picks of 2009.  I have to give Giant Bombcast credit because this year their postcast has stepped up and really filled the gap left when the GFW crew disbanded.  With the economy sucking it seems that good game podcasts are loosing their staying power, so mad props to GB. I was surprised how different the top ten for each reviewer was.  After watching these lists I really want to play Silent Hill and cannot believe that Flower just came out this year (nice pick Brad.)    

As I look back at the year a ton happened and I realized that this year was one of the best of my life.  In spite of the economy I have a career that I love.  With the birth of Nathan we completed our family.  Inara started pre- school and is thriving.  I began regular practice of yoga again. I read over 100 books almost all about vampires. John and I came up with a plan to keep our marriage strong: playing games.

For New Years Eve we played RockBand 2. I lost my voice singing off-key vocals.  It is funny how you think you know a song until you play this game and realize you only know the refrain; last night it was “so watch, watcha, watcha want?”  Luckily intoxicated loved-ones were on hand to sing duets.

I have been spending a lot of time watching John play through Uncharted 2. This was a holiday purchase we thought we would play co-op but then found out there is no split screen. Luckily, Uncharted 2 is more fun to watch then some games are to play.  It would take me forever to beat some of the platform elements of this game but John makes it seem effortless.  It is a lot like watching a James Bond meets Indiana Jones with the main character dying ever so often. Or once you get ambushed in Shangri-La dying frequently.  I find it incredibly amusing that Drake’s companions are so snide.  It is like when Inara and I are sleeping John still needs sarcastic women around.

Thinking back on the last month it amazes me how many different games we have already played.     

Today I naively realized that most gamers are one-trick ponies.  For example, my brother Alfred can play first person shooter on the Xbox blindfolded.  However, he is still working through the first Mario world on his new Wii.  Alfred like most gamers is really good at one kind of game but just dabbles in other genres.  This seems true for most people I know.  They are die-hard WoW, Halo or FIFA fans that are all forces to be reckoned within their respective genre. I am not good at one particular kind of game.  I think it is good that for these 100 days we switch between platforms and genres to find our niche. We are limited by finances but so far borrowing, replay and holidays have allowed variety.

We seem to enjoy Marvel Alliance and Little Big Planet more than other games but we still try other games in our library.  This experiment is about finding more than one game we like to play together.  Each game and system brings up new challenges for us to face together.  Some challenges so far include waiting for me to figure out camera angles or John being an item whore.  The other night we played Elite Beat Agents and had to fight to stay awake while we waited for our games to load.  

Marriage can be boring and part of this experiment is keeping things fun.  I could play Diablo 2 or WoW every day with John for an hour I am not sure it would have the same impact as diversifying our play?     

Diversity aside this month has made me realize my own considerable limitations in regards to gaming. My gaming ambition seems to exceed my skill level.  I regularly listen to gaming podcasts, read GameInformer or check out Kotaku and get excited for upcoming titles.  Often I never get to play said game or if I do loose interest quickly when I suck at it.  

My resolution for the year is, as Echo would say, “to be my best.”  I am going to try to be the best wife, mother, teacher and gamer I can be.  Maybe with daily martial play my skills will start to catch up with my interest.  It will be hard to top 2009 but maybe in 2010 I will suck a little less at first person shooters.