Unashamed Button Masher

Day 176: Gaming without Tantrums

Within many aspects of my life I am fairly accomplished person but I really do not like to fail.  I will be the first to admit that I am feisty and I am not always proud of the way I react when I am not automatically successful at a task.  Yoga has helped to calm my ego but when I am with the hubs there is less censorship and accountability because he is my person.  Simply put, if I am going to be a brat when I suck at a game it is usually while I am playing with the hubs.  I know it is terrible to admit in writing that with my partner I am my worst self but this is usually true.  The implication of my limited range when it comes to game controls has been a major factor in our play and communication as a couple.

BUTTON MASHER EXPOSED

Twilight Magicka session in Hotel 

For decades I have been able to get through gaming habits with hotkeys and button mashing.  The hubs recently (yesterday) admitted that he has strategically chosen/encouraged co-op games based on the complexity of the controls because he knew I just wasn’t good enough for more advanced games. 

After six months of co-op gaming we have been introducing new challenges to see if I can overcome my lifelong habit of mashing.  I shamefully admit that using both analog sticks is still unnatural to me but I am getting there.  The first game that has really started to push the boundaries of my skill has been Magicka.  

KILLING MY HUSBAND

As I mentioned in a previous post we starting our 100 days with Diablo and moving on to games like Helldivers is tuff because all of a sudden there is friendly fire.  The idea that not just your character can die but you can kill your party requires much more collaboration and focus sans button mashing.  Magicka has both friendly fire, new spells every level (some that suck), and forces me to use both analog sticks simultaneously whether I like it or not.  I cannot be successful in this game if I just mash buttons but the satisfaction of killing monsters together has increased ten-fold because things are just hard enough.

Healing Spell Kills Skeletons (Duh)

Dr. CCB & MrNinjaman in Magicka 

Tip of the Day: When it comes to married gaming its okay to start out easy but always try to be better (as long as you are both having fun).  Also, if your partner is not at your same level of gaming don’t berate them.  Instead take a page from the hubs book and ease them into gaming with quality titles that are within their current range.  Most of all—it takes time but things do get better.  

Video Games and Couples' Communication

Day 156: Deep Dark Secrets 

This post is intended for my fellow gamers and I am hoping that non-gamers lack interest and do not explore.  Today I will reveal some deep dark secrets that might have implications (so don’t rat me out or I will stop blogging).

I will stop blogging if you rat me out.

And I will come after you.  Be afraid. 

Video Games, Venting, and Long Phone Calls

When bad stuff goes down most people need to vent and if a therapist is not available they call a friend or relative.  I am so lucky to be part of a large family and have a great network of friends that support one another.  The downside is that I regularly get calls that last for a minimum of an hour comforting or letting some just talk through their current crisis.  This is not me whining because I will be the first to admit that I have the gift of gab and talk just as much as the next person.  But some days I just don’t have it in me to be a good friend and console others. 

Question from a Reader

Recently I received an email from a wife asking what my thoughts are on her hubs ignoring her to play games?  My first impulse was to say that is a jerk move and its never okay to ignore you partner.  I even started to construct a blog post about patriarchy and power relationships between different genders.  But then I realized that’s actually a lie.  There are several times when it is completely acceptable to both be at home, hanging out, and not fully engaged with one another because one of you is playing a game (um I did that for 10 minutes this morning before I got out of bed while playing PvZ).

It’s Okay to Play Solo and Block Out Drama

For example.  When lets say just for sake of argument that my twin calls and needs to tell me about the horrible encounter she had with her kids school that day.  As soon as she takes a deep inhalation I know this is going to be a long call.  If she seems particularly upset I will put my controller down and give the hubs a knowing look.  He is cool about letting me sit beside him while he plays a solo game and I listen and support my sis. 

The way I use games that is NOT good while interacting with others

"Oh no they didn't: what did you say?"

What is NOT cool to do to your partner is to use games as a way to dodge communications.  For example.  Sometimes people call and I just need to finish a final planet so I can get my upgraded mech in Helldivers.  I will still answer my phone and listen to my sis (just an illustration) but will often mute my phone.  If I do not mute my phone I will mute the TV and wear headphones while I soothe the sis and kill some bugs.  So I totally do this.  Like more than once or twice a month I am guilty of being there for someone but being a superficial and shitty listener.  I mean I get some brownie points for answering the phone but really any advice I provide is not really going to make the school administration stop being crappy to the person telling the story.  Even though I do this on a regular basis it is really uncool to do this to your life partner.  Well its really uncool to do it to anyone but lets get real.  Its like the scene from Ferris Buellers Day Off when sometimes people just need a reassuring “ah”, “I know” and “I agree that is so unfair” not for you to actually solve their problem. 

Tip for the day: try to be together even when you play single person games.  I fold laundry, grade papers, and read my angsty paranormal romance while the hubs plays solo games beside me that don’t interest me.  He sleeps, folds laundry, paints models, give instructions, and surfs the internet while I play solo beside him.  We do not always have to be playing a game together to feel connected.  Plus watching someone kill big ugly demons can really be soothing while you are on a long venting phone call.

Don't be a Jerk and use games to ignore people (all the time)

PWNED by my Six Year Old

Day 149: Unpack the PS4 first

My kids are having a hard time adjusting to the end of the school year (my lil’ geeks love their school) and to moving homes so abruptly.  Our move was sudden and the kids have been distressed about their belongings being in garbage bags.  There is not a single room in my home that is unpacked and not under construction (my kitchen is almost done just missing half of the floor).  With all the stress and woes that come with the end of the school year and moving we have still made time to kill some (very few) but some bugs and set up our high speed internet.

Kitchen halfway done 

Laundry Room Paint Done 

 A FAMILY WITHOUT INTERNET CANNOT STAND

Our previous residence had spotty cell reception and rock built into several of the interior walls that disrupted our wifi connection.  Even with high speed internet and two top of the line routers our connection was not consistent.  I would often hide my daughter’s kindle so she wouldn’t steal bandwidth while I was trying to play a game (I know, I know I can be a shitty mom sometimes). 

Our awesome neighbors at the new house let us siphon Internet for a few days but this was not adequate or viable long-term solution.  The hubs called our local service provider to tell them we were moving and the next day they came out and hooked us up.  The craziest part of this story was the service guy was 10 minutes early (we weren’t even home when he arrived).  We were unpacking games and anime and quickly discovered the guy was a fellow nerd who explained why we should upgrade and how to maximize our service.  Um…this guys is basically my hero.  Needless to say I have not had to hide my kids kindle for 2 days straight.

THE CON ARTIST

My little PS4 Con Artist 

I am not trying to diminish the fact that my kids have actually had a hard time adjusting with our move.  But my son is totally using his baby brown eyes to milk it for all its worth.  The hubs and I discovered he has been logging 3-4 hours of PS4 time a day by conning adults into “playing with him because he is lonely” (cue teary eyes here).  My teenage sister, neighbor, hubs, and myself have all fallen prey to this adorable kid without realizing we are each getting conned.  No wonder unpacking is taking so darn long.

MASTER BEDROOM

So the master bedroom needs so much work I cannot even begin to describe to you.  I love that the kids don’t call it the master bedroom but “mommy’s room.”  Currently all that is in that room is my bathtub sofa, yoga props, our 42 inch high def television and my PS4 system and games.  The room is not practical for anything at this time but playing PS4 which though not ideal is working for us.

My blogging and gaming have been inconsistent but they are not abandoned completely.  Now that I am on to my 6-year olds manipulations I will get some married time with my controller.

Me n Kiddos on Mother's Day just bc

The End of 100 Days

Day 102: The Road So Far 

A close friend recently asked during our lunch conversation, “what is next for Chris Cruz-Boone?”  And I have been percolating on the answer to that question over the last few days.  I am a woman who likes to make plans and I was resolute that 100 days of playing video games would help me figure some things out. 

What the heck do I do next?

(Insert awkward silence here)

  

I am not sure I figured a single thing out but one thing I know for certain is that things will never be like they were before.  If you asked me what I thought my marriage would be like after 12 years of gaming bliss I would never have predicted the events of the last few months.  I am slowly accepting that I will never be the same, so who do I want to be?    

Playing games daily as a couple is an intimate interaction and after mapping my blogging journey I realized that reflecting on our play for me triggered a profound sense of loss and anger.  It feels so easy to write that bad stuff happened and now everything is different but it is so visceral when you are living it.  It seems impossible not to mourn the loss of the life before a trauma.

For example, a few years ago I shattered my left wrist and after I had these maddening moments when I was practicing yoga and I felt like my body was betraying me.  Mentally I knew my body could do a yoga pose because I had done it so many times before but after the accident my body would just not let me do things in the same way.  Slowly my yoga practice has grown but I am not the same yogi I was before my broken wrist.  Like a car accident the last 100 days of playing games with the guy I married have changed me.

I am luckier than most and so many of my lifelong dreams have been realized.  Owning a house with 3 toilets (seriously on my bucket list), completing my doctorate, getting to be a mom, teaching at a university, and collecting some of the best friends someone could ask for.  I have always searched for the next great adventure but when asked by someone what is next, I was speechless.

Today, my son and I were not feeling so great and I decided to forgo planned outing and sent the hubs to volunteer at the church fiesta with our daughter.  While they were gone we spent hours on the floor piecing together puzzles and legos.  After playing with the little guy I made enchiladas for dinner.  I made so much food that we delivered extras to both my brother and sister's family for their dinners.  My son asked me when I learned to make enchiladas and I realized in the six years he has been alive I have never once prepared one of the only recipes I know how to cook.  Sadly, I also couldn’t remember the last time I got lost for hours playing with one of my kids (he had to explain to me how the lego sorting head worked).  Perhaps planning for the next adventure is like obsessing over the next big game launch sometimes it is just a distraction from experiencing the awesome game on the shelf right in front of you.

Yup I cooked without any fire started 

Groot pieces are tough 

Lego fortress, I built the helipad 

In short, I do not have a single plan for the next great adventure.  My plan is to wake up each day and do two things: be honest about what brings me joy, and do whatever that is.

It has only been two days but with no deadline or agenda we are still playing every day and I currently have no plan to stop.   

Our marriage is not surviving just because of games, but play has been the best tool for us to engage and reconnect with the new people we are becoming.   For those of you who want to try this tool just remember that playing games as adversaries when you are fighting for your marriage is not a good idea.  But fighting monsters together can help your coupleship to survive real life.