100 More Days (aka 200 days)

Day 179: Here we go again, Here we go again

I vote more Firefly? Browncoats FTW

The downside of playing for 100 consecutive days of gaming to save our marriage is that we played even when we were cranky, tired, annoyed, or uninterested.  In this blog I have talked a lot about my range of emotions and even when I could barely stand I would play.  I have to admit the last few weeks our enthusiasm for gaming together has been waning.  The routine of playing daily quickly dissolved into fitting a game in a few times a week.  The last few weeks we have had a lot of conversations about what comes next?

But let me back up and explain the awkwardness that jump-started the conversation.

Tired, Awkward and Missing Kiddos 

Marriage Reboot without Children (Eeek)

The in-laws recently took the kiddos to the “happiest place on earth” for over a week.  We live in So Cal but the in-laws in Florida so they did a fly by and picked up kiddos and took them to Disneyworld.  The kids were having the time of their lives chasing Doofenshmirtz through the Epcot center me and the hubs were left really alone for the first time since our marriage reboot. 

When Shit is Weird Pack Your PS4

Every parent will admit that a week reprieve from parenting is nothing to scoff at.  But when you are redefining your relationship the kids leaving can make everything, well, really uncomfortable.  The day after the kids left, I had a union meeting and the hubs tagged along.  This was our first hotel stay without our kids.  We knew it might be difficult so we packed the PS4.

We arrived late (around 10 pm) and prepared to immediately set up our system.  But of course to add to our turmoil our four-star hotel assigned us a room and TV with no HDMI port.  The hubs seemed uneasy so I called the front desk, concierge, and hotel engineering office.  To add insult to injury each guy I talked to explained to me where the HDMI  port would be on my TV (you know, since I have no penis of course this entire problem is obviously that I don’t know how to use a TV).  When the last guy finally understood that I just needed a new TV we finally got the problem resolved around 1am.  So before collapsing into bed we turned out Magicka and killed a few monsters to calm our nerves.

PS4 Hotel Vaca like a Boss 

What Comes Next

My take-away is my PS4 is awesome and that I vocalized that I have been surprised by the genre of games that I have enjoyed playing on it.  During this project we have played a lot of games but no video games entirely through.  So we decided this will be our next conquest.  We plan to choose one story-driven PS4 game and in 100 days play through it together.

We were very scientific about our game choice.  We made pros and cons of various games (ex: Witcher, Tomb Raider, Wofienstien, Last of Us).  We watched gameplay, read ESRB, and even got on the message boards to see what would be worth three months of our life.  I know at this point you are frantically swiping ahead on your smart phone screen to see what we chose but you will just have to keep reading.

Learning from our last 100 days, we decided we don’t have to play every day but that we won’t play the chosen game solo.  After 20 years of friendship, 12 years of marriage, and 200 days of blogging and games I am still finding new ways every day to love the hubs.  Here is hoping the next 100 days has more good days than bad and I will find a new a different way to love games.

Proof We Need a New Game ASAP

Video Games and Couples' Communication

Day 156: Deep Dark Secrets 

This post is intended for my fellow gamers and I am hoping that non-gamers lack interest and do not explore.  Today I will reveal some deep dark secrets that might have implications (so don’t rat me out or I will stop blogging).

I will stop blogging if you rat me out.

And I will come after you.  Be afraid. 

Video Games, Venting, and Long Phone Calls

When bad stuff goes down most people need to vent and if a therapist is not available they call a friend or relative.  I am so lucky to be part of a large family and have a great network of friends that support one another.  The downside is that I regularly get calls that last for a minimum of an hour comforting or letting some just talk through their current crisis.  This is not me whining because I will be the first to admit that I have the gift of gab and talk just as much as the next person.  But some days I just don’t have it in me to be a good friend and console others. 

Question from a Reader

Recently I received an email from a wife asking what my thoughts are on her hubs ignoring her to play games?  My first impulse was to say that is a jerk move and its never okay to ignore you partner.  I even started to construct a blog post about patriarchy and power relationships between different genders.  But then I realized that’s actually a lie.  There are several times when it is completely acceptable to both be at home, hanging out, and not fully engaged with one another because one of you is playing a game (um I did that for 10 minutes this morning before I got out of bed while playing PvZ).

It’s Okay to Play Solo and Block Out Drama

For example.  When lets say just for sake of argument that my twin calls and needs to tell me about the horrible encounter she had with her kids school that day.  As soon as she takes a deep inhalation I know this is going to be a long call.  If she seems particularly upset I will put my controller down and give the hubs a knowing look.  He is cool about letting me sit beside him while he plays a solo game and I listen and support my sis. 

The way I use games that is NOT good while interacting with others

"Oh no they didn't: what did you say?"

What is NOT cool to do to your partner is to use games as a way to dodge communications.  For example.  Sometimes people call and I just need to finish a final planet so I can get my upgraded mech in Helldivers.  I will still answer my phone and listen to my sis (just an illustration) but will often mute my phone.  If I do not mute my phone I will mute the TV and wear headphones while I soothe the sis and kill some bugs.  So I totally do this.  Like more than once or twice a month I am guilty of being there for someone but being a superficial and shitty listener.  I mean I get some brownie points for answering the phone but really any advice I provide is not really going to make the school administration stop being crappy to the person telling the story.  Even though I do this on a regular basis it is really uncool to do this to your life partner.  Well its really uncool to do it to anyone but lets get real.  Its like the scene from Ferris Buellers Day Off when sometimes people just need a reassuring “ah”, “I know” and “I agree that is so unfair” not for you to actually solve their problem. 

Tip for the day: try to be together even when you play single person games.  I fold laundry, grade papers, and read my angsty paranormal romance while the hubs plays solo games beside me that don’t interest me.  He sleeps, folds laundry, paints models, give instructions, and surfs the internet while I play solo beside him.  We do not always have to be playing a game together to feel connected.  Plus watching someone kill big ugly demons can really be soothing while you are on a long venting phone call.

Don't be a Jerk and use games to ignore people (all the time)

The Purge

Day 130: Spring Cleaning

For a multitude of reasons our family is moving into a smaller home and attempting to simplify our life.  I have mentioned previously that I am not really a shopper so I don’t have an excess of clothes or accessories to donate.  The ominous task that has recently faced the hubs and myself as a couple is narrowing our gaming collection.

Tiny Living

02' Dave & Hubs on couch/bed/game station 

When we were first married and living in the San Fernando Valley (So.  Cal) we had the tiniest studio apartment you can imagine.  It was behind a house and was half of a converted garage that was actually constructed in the early 1970’s and had never been renovated.  It was a total sh*t hole but was also crazy affordable and is the primary reason I have hardly any student debt.  I describe this place because I remember the primary challenge when living there was where to store our video games and set up our gaming desktop.  We were broke college students without any credit or sense of style.  But we survived with the most basic of amenities, a place to play games, and each other.

As anyone with kids knows once you start breeding the amount of stuff you acquire is ridonkulas.  The toys, the rockers, the changing stations, the strollers, and the onsies.  Oh my goodness the lists provided by stores for first time parents contains so much stuff it will not even fit in a standard size family home.  Even amidst the clutter created as we have reared two little ones we have always had a desk in our home with ample space for a gaming desktop and places to store our myriad of video games.

And once we both had jobs and a 3-bedroom house the Warmachine miniatures, board games, and multiple systems overwhelmed our personal “style.”  For us basic design included organizing most rooms to accommodate each of our gaming habits.  Now that we are undergoing a process of transformation both the hubs and me we realize we need to reevaluate what kind of home we want to live in.

The Bedroom

I used to believe that a TV or computer should not live in a bedroom.  But once I removed media from my bedroom I just started searching the Internet on my phone and watching Netflix on my tablet (always in bed).  Because we primarily use the PS4 for adult games we have decided that the PS4 and our awesome 40-inch HD television should live in our master bedroom.  As a couple we want our room to be about us and we want to keep playing together  feng shui be damned.

 

The Living Room

For at least the last 8 years our living room has been a place for morning cartoons and twilight solo gaming sessions.  Unfortunately it has rarely been a place for coming together.  When considering our move the room that has gotten the most attention has been our future living room.  We decided we wanted a more industrial feel, lots of seating, tables the correct size for board games, and video games that are accessible to our to young kiddos.  As we started to sort out what should stay and what should go we realized almost every single PS3 and 360 game was rated M.  After much conversation we decided we needed more family friendly video games in our communal space.

I still own my treasured game cube and animal crossing from over a decade ago.  But in all honesty it has been over a decade since I have purchased a game or system from Nintendo.  After lots of research and conversations the hubs agreed eventually we would need to invest in a Nintendo Wii for our living room.  

Sacrifice

A Wii is outside of our price range as we are currently downsizing everything in our life.  But I could not have been more surprised that the day after this conversation that the hubs listed every single one of our 360 and PS3 games on eBay.  We have some lingering older gen Xbox and PS1 games but almost all the mature games are gone from our home.  For any of my readers that have been lifelong gamers you understand the gravity of this sacrifice. So many hours of the hubs life have gone into these plastic disks that I could not imagine him parting with them…but he did.

SOLD Xbox 360 Collection 

SOLD PS3 Collection 

No matter how small our previous dwellings I would have never have asked my partner to give up any of his games.  Now I am realizing I should probably get rid of my GameCube and Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Chaos Bleeds in solidarity but I will be honest it is so freaking hard.  And if getting rid of 4 or 5 things for me seems impossible imagine how difficult it was for him to sell his entire gaming library (sans PS4).

Daily gaming has been on hiatus this week because of painting our house and sick kiddos.  But everyday games remain a part of our recovery, a tool for our marriage, and a way to keep showing our love.  

**We still have a well-behaved, other system friendly, current with its updates Xbox 360 and PS3 that need new homes.  

 

Why You Should Bring Joss Whedon on Your First Date

Day 124: Dating my husband the reboot  

PLEASE PROCEED WITH MY FULL ASSURANCE THERE ARE NO ULTRON SPOILERS IN THIS BLOG POST 

Joss Whedon is my Hero

I love Joss Whedon.  Not a crazy stalker kind of love.  But I am so moved by his storytelling that spans different mediums from the big screen to his awesome comics.  One of the best aspects of his storytelling is his ability to create an ensemble that portrays real life interpersonal relationships diluted with hilarious quips.  A few, I am showing amazing self-restraint here, but a few examples of my favorite lines include:

“The thing about changing the world... Once you do it, the world's all different.”
― Joss Whedon, Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Long Way Home

“I'm not a leader now. I'm a whole damn army.”
― Joss Whedon, Fray

“He is reproducing faster than catholic bunnies.”

― Joss Whedon, Age of Ultron

Dr. Horrible & Captain Hammer (me n hubs)

Plus Joss is unapologetically a feminist and supports women both through his art and his fame.  Since I am obsessed with all things Joss it goes with out saying that I had to see Avengers 2: Age of Ultron on opening night.

Sci-Fi /Action Movies 101

Though my Joss love runs deep, seeing action movies at the stroke of midnight is not a new thing for me.

I think the hubs for first realized the depth of my geekiness on May 18, 1999 when I convinced him to ditch school so we could be first in line to see the midnight showing of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.  If convincing him to wait in line for 16 plus hours was not proof enough I was also a 17-year old girl that brought a light saber with me to the movie (yup I am a big ole’ geek). 

This was the night that he also first experienced my interactive relationship with action movies.  I get really excited and often will clap, cheer, curse, or dialogue with the screen while I watch an action movie.  This is a learned habit for which I blame my mother who took me to Rocky Horror for so many years.  But I am not embarrassed by my behavior, when you attend an action movie on opening night the room is usually packed and filled with anticipation, so my conduct goes largely unnoticed (thank you rowdy teenage boys).  However, further into our relationship the hubs would realize that even during matinees filled with gray hair I will holler at the screen.  Needless to say he pretty much always tries to get me into a full theatre on opening night. 

But it is not just the excitement of seeing it before anyone else.  Or that there is almost always crazy good previews.  And it is not just the relief that you can open your computer without fear of spoilers.  The collective energy of the crowd combined with the big screen makes it the only way to experience a big action or sci-fi movie.

Dating My Husband

Over the last few months I have played a lot of video games with the hubs.  We have gone to couples therapy, retreats, church, and lots of other group functions together.  But last night was the first time in 124 days that we have gone on an actual date.  And I have to say it was so weird. 

For a few minutes I felt self-conscious for being the only one clapping in the theatre when the Marvel title appeared.  But once mesmerized by the amaze-balls special effects that nervousness wore off because I kinda forgot the hubs was there (I know that is bitchy but seriously Joss has the ability to totally captivate me).

I had yoga before the movie so we arrived at the theatre separately.  Arriving was made all that more strange because there was nostalgia attending the same rinky-dink theatre that I dragged him to so many years ago to see Star Wars.  Even in the fervor of the occasion there were many moments that I felt the overwhelming since of grief that has plagued me for the last few months start to creep in.  

I was still on a date with a fellow geek but he is not the same guy I married and he never will be.  Well ain’t that a kick in the pants?  Tip of the day: when things are crazy awkward-- taking your wife to see a blockbuster movie written and directed by her hero is a great buffer (heh heh buffer, get it?).