Unashamed Button Masher

Day 176: Gaming without Tantrums

Within many aspects of my life I am fairly accomplished person but I really do not like to fail.  I will be the first to admit that I am feisty and I am not always proud of the way I react when I am not automatically successful at a task.  Yoga has helped to calm my ego but when I am with the hubs there is less censorship and accountability because he is my person.  Simply put, if I am going to be a brat when I suck at a game it is usually while I am playing with the hubs.  I know it is terrible to admit in writing that with my partner I am my worst self but this is usually true.  The implication of my limited range when it comes to game controls has been a major factor in our play and communication as a couple.

BUTTON MASHER EXPOSED

Twilight Magicka session in Hotel 

For decades I have been able to get through gaming habits with hotkeys and button mashing.  The hubs recently (yesterday) admitted that he has strategically chosen/encouraged co-op games based on the complexity of the controls because he knew I just wasn’t good enough for more advanced games. 

After six months of co-op gaming we have been introducing new challenges to see if I can overcome my lifelong habit of mashing.  I shamefully admit that using both analog sticks is still unnatural to me but I am getting there.  The first game that has really started to push the boundaries of my skill has been Magicka.  

KILLING MY HUSBAND

As I mentioned in a previous post we starting our 100 days with Diablo and moving on to games like Helldivers is tuff because all of a sudden there is friendly fire.  The idea that not just your character can die but you can kill your party requires much more collaboration and focus sans button mashing.  Magicka has both friendly fire, new spells every level (some that suck), and forces me to use both analog sticks simultaneously whether I like it or not.  I cannot be successful in this game if I just mash buttons but the satisfaction of killing monsters together has increased ten-fold because things are just hard enough.

Healing Spell Kills Skeletons (Duh)

Dr. CCB & MrNinjaman in Magicka 

Tip of the Day: When it comes to married gaming its okay to start out easy but always try to be better (as long as you are both having fun).  Also, if your partner is not at your same level of gaming don’t berate them.  Instead take a page from the hubs book and ease them into gaming with quality titles that are within their current range.  Most of all—it takes time but things do get better.  

Video Games and Couples' Communication

Day 156: Deep Dark Secrets 

This post is intended for my fellow gamers and I am hoping that non-gamers lack interest and do not explore.  Today I will reveal some deep dark secrets that might have implications (so don’t rat me out or I will stop blogging).

I will stop blogging if you rat me out.

And I will come after you.  Be afraid. 

Video Games, Venting, and Long Phone Calls

When bad stuff goes down most people need to vent and if a therapist is not available they call a friend or relative.  I am so lucky to be part of a large family and have a great network of friends that support one another.  The downside is that I regularly get calls that last for a minimum of an hour comforting or letting some just talk through their current crisis.  This is not me whining because I will be the first to admit that I have the gift of gab and talk just as much as the next person.  But some days I just don’t have it in me to be a good friend and console others. 

Question from a Reader

Recently I received an email from a wife asking what my thoughts are on her hubs ignoring her to play games?  My first impulse was to say that is a jerk move and its never okay to ignore you partner.  I even started to construct a blog post about patriarchy and power relationships between different genders.  But then I realized that’s actually a lie.  There are several times when it is completely acceptable to both be at home, hanging out, and not fully engaged with one another because one of you is playing a game (um I did that for 10 minutes this morning before I got out of bed while playing PvZ).

It’s Okay to Play Solo and Block Out Drama

For example.  When lets say just for sake of argument that my twin calls and needs to tell me about the horrible encounter she had with her kids school that day.  As soon as she takes a deep inhalation I know this is going to be a long call.  If she seems particularly upset I will put my controller down and give the hubs a knowing look.  He is cool about letting me sit beside him while he plays a solo game and I listen and support my sis. 

The way I use games that is NOT good while interacting with others

"Oh no they didn't: what did you say?"

What is NOT cool to do to your partner is to use games as a way to dodge communications.  For example.  Sometimes people call and I just need to finish a final planet so I can get my upgraded mech in Helldivers.  I will still answer my phone and listen to my sis (just an illustration) but will often mute my phone.  If I do not mute my phone I will mute the TV and wear headphones while I soothe the sis and kill some bugs.  So I totally do this.  Like more than once or twice a month I am guilty of being there for someone but being a superficial and shitty listener.  I mean I get some brownie points for answering the phone but really any advice I provide is not really going to make the school administration stop being crappy to the person telling the story.  Even though I do this on a regular basis it is really uncool to do this to your life partner.  Well its really uncool to do it to anyone but lets get real.  Its like the scene from Ferris Buellers Day Off when sometimes people just need a reassuring “ah”, “I know” and “I agree that is so unfair” not for you to actually solve their problem. 

Tip for the day: try to be together even when you play single person games.  I fold laundry, grade papers, and read my angsty paranormal romance while the hubs plays solo games beside me that don’t interest me.  He sleeps, folds laundry, paints models, give instructions, and surfs the internet while I play solo beside him.  We do not always have to be playing a game together to feel connected.  Plus watching someone kill big ugly demons can really be soothing while you are on a long venting phone call.

Don't be a Jerk and use games to ignore people (all the time)

The Purge

Day 130: Spring Cleaning

For a multitude of reasons our family is moving into a smaller home and attempting to simplify our life.  I have mentioned previously that I am not really a shopper so I don’t have an excess of clothes or accessories to donate.  The ominous task that has recently faced the hubs and myself as a couple is narrowing our gaming collection.

Tiny Living

02' Dave & Hubs on couch/bed/game station 

When we were first married and living in the San Fernando Valley (So.  Cal) we had the tiniest studio apartment you can imagine.  It was behind a house and was half of a converted garage that was actually constructed in the early 1970’s and had never been renovated.  It was a total sh*t hole but was also crazy affordable and is the primary reason I have hardly any student debt.  I describe this place because I remember the primary challenge when living there was where to store our video games and set up our gaming desktop.  We were broke college students without any credit or sense of style.  But we survived with the most basic of amenities, a place to play games, and each other.

As anyone with kids knows once you start breeding the amount of stuff you acquire is ridonkulas.  The toys, the rockers, the changing stations, the strollers, and the onsies.  Oh my goodness the lists provided by stores for first time parents contains so much stuff it will not even fit in a standard size family home.  Even amidst the clutter created as we have reared two little ones we have always had a desk in our home with ample space for a gaming desktop and places to store our myriad of video games.

And once we both had jobs and a 3-bedroom house the Warmachine miniatures, board games, and multiple systems overwhelmed our personal “style.”  For us basic design included organizing most rooms to accommodate each of our gaming habits.  Now that we are undergoing a process of transformation both the hubs and me we realize we need to reevaluate what kind of home we want to live in.

The Bedroom

I used to believe that a TV or computer should not live in a bedroom.  But once I removed media from my bedroom I just started searching the Internet on my phone and watching Netflix on my tablet (always in bed).  Because we primarily use the PS4 for adult games we have decided that the PS4 and our awesome 40-inch HD television should live in our master bedroom.  As a couple we want our room to be about us and we want to keep playing together  feng shui be damned.

 

The Living Room

For at least the last 8 years our living room has been a place for morning cartoons and twilight solo gaming sessions.  Unfortunately it has rarely been a place for coming together.  When considering our move the room that has gotten the most attention has been our future living room.  We decided we wanted a more industrial feel, lots of seating, tables the correct size for board games, and video games that are accessible to our to young kiddos.  As we started to sort out what should stay and what should go we realized almost every single PS3 and 360 game was rated M.  After much conversation we decided we needed more family friendly video games in our communal space.

I still own my treasured game cube and animal crossing from over a decade ago.  But in all honesty it has been over a decade since I have purchased a game or system from Nintendo.  After lots of research and conversations the hubs agreed eventually we would need to invest in a Nintendo Wii for our living room.  

Sacrifice

A Wii is outside of our price range as we are currently downsizing everything in our life.  But I could not have been more surprised that the day after this conversation that the hubs listed every single one of our 360 and PS3 games on eBay.  We have some lingering older gen Xbox and PS1 games but almost all the mature games are gone from our home.  For any of my readers that have been lifelong gamers you understand the gravity of this sacrifice. So many hours of the hubs life have gone into these plastic disks that I could not imagine him parting with them…but he did.

SOLD Xbox 360 Collection 

SOLD PS3 Collection 

No matter how small our previous dwellings I would have never have asked my partner to give up any of his games.  Now I am realizing I should probably get rid of my GameCube and Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Chaos Bleeds in solidarity but I will be honest it is so freaking hard.  And if getting rid of 4 or 5 things for me seems impossible imagine how difficult it was for him to sell his entire gaming library (sans PS4).

Daily gaming has been on hiatus this week because of painting our house and sick kiddos.  But everyday games remain a part of our recovery, a tool for our marriage, and a way to keep showing our love.  

**We still have a well-behaved, other system friendly, current with its updates Xbox 360 and PS3 that need new homes.  

 

Video Games and Indoctrinating our Youth

Day 86: A Love Story

As a gaming couple we have had a mission during our spring break stay-cation.  And that mission was to play a bunch of different games with our kids.

Family Dungeons and Dragons

As a couple we decided the kids are finally old enough to be initiated into geek culture by playing their first Dungeons and Dragons game.  Our children understand board games, and digital games but role-playing and storytelling with their parents seemed a radical idea to them (minds officially blown).  Here is our current character roster for the family game:

Age                 Character                  Name                          Skills

6-Year-Old     Thief/fighter              Sneaky Death              Stealth

8-Year-Old     Wizard                       Elanna                        Controls Ice

33 Year Old   Baird                           Mama Cas                  Sings People to Sleep

33 Year Old   DM                                                                 Sound FX  & crazy monsters

At the start of the campaign the kids wanted to physically interact with the DM (their dad).  Elanna offered the massive gate guard a real life hair bow as a gesture of goodwill (which of course her dad immediately wore).  It was adorable until she wanted to give each new character we encountered a new hair bow.  Sneaky Death is having a hard time playing as a team and when new challenges appear he often suggests that his character should run and hide or abandon his party.  To get them to comply several times my character, Mama Cas, sang her own party to sleep so she could move them to the next phase of the campaign.

I was worried with the kids home for ten days that they would become addicted to their digital devices,--they have proved me wrong.  A week after our first game DnD the kids created an impromptu surprise party for the hubs and me.  They designed their own tickets, gift bags, trivia game, and snacks.  The resourcefulness of these little people reminded me they still know how to make-believe even without a dungeon master to direct them.

 

DM Dad with Hairbow

First Family Dungeon and Dragon game

D20 and Positive Re-enforcement

Whenever I suggest the hubs make a game related purchase he is on his iphone using amazon prime before I can change my mind.  We had read about using marbles in a jar as a representation of positive behavior for the kids but local craft stores did not have the gems that we had in mind.  Then I casually mentioned that we should buy a bulk order of dice and use them instead and you can imagine my utter lack of surprise when the amazon box appeared a day later. 

It makes me entirely too happy when my kids find out they earned a dice and then asks, “Do I get a D20.”

One rule is that no one gets dice if they barter or ask for dice for accomplishing a task.  When they fill their jar they can earn an individual play date with a friend or solo parent, or combine their jars for a large family outing.  Last night when I came to tuck them in, they were laying in bed planning out their ideal family day with a movie and arcade visit (indoctrination success).

Two Weeks Left

My spring break does not coincide with the hubs and kiddos and it has been nice to come home from work and find them all playing together.  All together we have played Helldivers, Dungeons andDragons, Munchkin, Catan Junior, and Plants versus Zombies (of course).

The hubs has been playing games his entire life and he cannot even define the earliest point of origin. Together we have been playing games at least 17 years.  I have been blogging about our gaming for more than 6 years.  And for the last 86 days I have used games as a way to communicate, love, and cope within my marriage. 

Reflection: As an academic and gamer I am often the target of rants that associate gaming with everything from the deterioration of interpersonal communication, to desensitizing youth to violence—but in my life games have been a love story with many high and low points.  The legacy of that love story is brought full circle by playing with the two beautiful little humans that we made. 

Photo of family hike with our awesome kiddos during stay-cation 2015